A Stay-At-Home-Mom: Five Hot-Button Reasons

me and ezraI recently overheard a conversation between two Christian grandmothers who were talking about their daughters’ struggles as working mothers. It went something like this:

Grandma #1: “Well, Kristen really had a hard time for the first week or so after going back to work at the bank. For a while, she would cry after leaving the baby screaming with the sitter. She would text every couple of hours to check on her. Now, she’s a pro. It’s a lot easier now for her to get through her day without constantly thinking about and worrying about the baby.”

Grandma #2: “Yeah, it’s hard for every mom at first, but it’s important for her to get back out there and feel like a real woman again. My daughter found this great Ethiopian woman who kept babies in her home. It was obvious the woman had tons of experience caring for infants, so Janie felt fine leaving the baby with her, but it was hard at first, especially when the baby cried as she was leaving, but she knew it would make little Annie strong and independent in the end, and it would mean she wouldn’t have to give up her career.”

Hearing this dialogue made my heart ache for those sweet babies as well as for our culture as a whole.

I am a stay-at-home-mom. Just saying that out loud would make some women feel uncomfortable. Our society has convinced so many women that being a stay-at-home-mom means you aren’t a real woman—that you aren’t reaching your full potential if you allow yourself to “waste your talents and abilities by keeping yourself locked away from the world at home.” This breaks my heart. I believe there are many misconceptions floating around about the reason someone would choose to stay at home with her children. These misconceptions may be why the stigma exists.

Now, let me just say that I know this probably won’t be a very popular post. I know that if I were to say any of these things on a public talk show, I would probably never be invited back (not that I’d ever be invited to a talk show to start with). I’d be ridiculed and belittled. I’m not saying any of this to be liked. I’m saying it because I think it’s important and I wish more people who believe it would stand up and say so. Also, if you’re going to read this, I hope you’ll take 5 minutes to actually read to the end, because if you’re angered or bothered by my opinion on the subject, the end may offset your desire to throw rotten tomatoes at me.

My husband and I have known since before we were married that I would only work outside the home until we had our own children, and then I would stay at home with them at least until our nest is empty again. We have our reasons for that, which I’ll include in this article. But let’s set the record straight first. I have my list of reasons for being a stay-at-home Mom, but none of the following are on that list:

1. Because we can easily afford it.

While we consider ourselves abundantly blessed by our God, we are not at all wealthy by America’s standards. We live in a smallish three-bedroom house and we drive old cars. We are well aware that we could live in a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood and drive nicer cars and use nicer appliances if we were living on two incomes. But we just knew early on that my staying at home would mean sacrifice. It wouldn’t be easy or convenient. We always knew that, even if it meant living in a one-room apartment, sharing one car, and never eating out, it would be totally worth it if it meant I could stay at home. While we are richly blessed, staying at home isn’t the easiest financial choice. That’s not why we do it.

2. Because I’m lazy.

It’s so ironic to me that people say to me, “You don’t work, right?” It’s a loaded question. I know what they mean, but nothing could be farther from the truth. In actuality, I work constantly. I think people have this idea in their heads that stay-at-home moms sit on the couch and watch TV all day. Maybe it’s like that for some moms—I don’t know—but for me, I’m constantly either feeding my son, changing my son, cleaning my son, playing with my son, reading to my son, etc. The only times I get “a break” are when he’s napping, and those are pretty much my only times to catch up on personal hygiene (yes, I’m actually proud of myself when I get a daily shower), housework, laundry, cooking, writing, or sometimes,  if I had a night like last night, collapsing on the couch to re-fuel after being awake all night caring for my child (I’m choosing today to write this blog during nap time instead of catching a nap myself—let me tell you, it hurts. Ha!). So, do we do it because I prefer to spend my day lounging around doing nothing? Nope. Not even close.

3. Because I’m not educated enough to do something else. 

While I don’t consider myself particularly smart or talented, I do believe I’m capable of doing a few other things with my life. I obtained a Bachelors degree in English, and went on to teach high school English. I’ve been a newspaper columnist. I’ve worked with special needs adults. In any one of these fields, I could have chosen a career, I think. But nothing in the world could I ever find more fulfilling than investing all of my time, energy, and passion into raising my son and any future siblings he may have.

I don’t need to be successful by the world’s standards to achieve a feeling of self-worth. I also don’t wish I could go back and save all that money spent on my education. If, God forbid, something happened to my husband and I were left alone to provide for our family, I believe I would be able to support us and thus I am grateful for my education and experiences.


I also use lessons learned from my education daily in our home and in my relationships. So I will keep on being grateful for the education—a definite blessing from God.

4. Because I’m paranoid about my child being exposed to THE ELEMENTS.

While I do try to reasonably protect my child from unnecessary illness, I’m not so paranoid that I’m afraid for him to be anywhere besides the safe confines of our home. I’m sure there are all kinds of germs all over the place in my house. If only I were a good enough housekeeper that I would never doubt that my son was perfectly free from any harmful bacteria after licking my kitchen floor. But we actually live in this house. Our reasons for keeping me at home have nothing to do with my fear of allowing my son to leave the house and be around other people, which brings me to the next false reason for staying at home:

5. Because I don’t trust anyone enough to ever leave my child with her. 

I trust several people in this area who I know would make great date-night babysitters for my son—people who will love him and protect him and cuddle with him and laugh with him—and I plan to take advantage of them very soon for said date nights (my son is only 4 months old, after all—we’ll get there!).  There’s a difference, however, between date night sitters and all-day every day sitters. Although I trust several women to babysit my child, none of those women is my son’s mother. No one else on this green earth knows him and wraps her life around around his needs like I do. I didn’t have a child so that I could give him to someone else to raise during the majority of his awake time. That’s my responsibility, my privilege, my joy. Trust another to do a great job? Yes. Abdicate and let another do MY job? No. Now for the 5 reasons I do choose to stay at home with my son:

1. Because I believe it’s Biblical. 

Bringing up children in the Lord is more than a part-time job. I believe the Bible teaches this. Titus 2: 3-5 says,

“…the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things, that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

In other words, if I’m unloving, indiscreet, unchaste, disobedient to my husband…and if I’m not a homemaker, I, by my own actions, may cause the Word to be blasphemed. Directly or indirectly, I partake in this sad and sinful scenario. Other versions of this text use the words “working at home,” “keepers at home,” and “busy at home,” in the place of “homemaker.” But, according to the Liddell-Scott-Jones Greek Lexicon, in the original Greek in which this passage was written, the word is “oikourous,” which, translated, literally means “keeper of the home, mistress of the house, housekeeper, stay-at-home a domestic.”  This word was even sometimes used to contemptuously describe a cowardly man who stayed at home instead of going to war with the other men. But in reference to women, it was “used in praise of a good wife.”

In Deuteronomy 6: 4-7, God instructs His people in how they are to raise their children:

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Is there any time of the day that we aren’t sitting, walking, lying down, or getting up? Is God saying that every word we speak to our children is to be a Bible lesson with no time for fairy tales or nursery rhymes? Of course not. He is, however, saying that teaching your children about the Word is to be a daily, all-day long effort. Just as we are to be a people who “prays without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17), we are to teach our children about God without ceasing, constantly taking advantage of every opportunity to show them how to love and obey Him in everything.

So many households today look something like this: both parents work a secular job all day or most of the day while a sitter/daycare/public school cares for the children without any thought or mention of the Lord; then when everyone’s finally home, there’s just enough time for dinner and a bath before going to bed and starting over with the same routine the next day. I just don’t see how either of these passages I’ve mentioned can be truly applied and executed with that kind of frenzied, spiritually lacking routine.

 2. Because I’m forced (in a good way) to depend on my husband and respect him in his God-given role.

I Timothy 5:8 says,

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Transitioning from living on my own and earning my own wage to living in a one-income household, I’ve had to learn to humbly lean on and depend on my husband who obeys God by working hard to provide for us financially.

oreoThat means we share a family budget, and, with the delegated authority he lovingly gives me, I try to respectfully use the money my husband earns for the physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being of our family. There’s no such thing as his money and my money. We share everything, keep no secrets, and I reverence him as the provider and spiritual leader of our home.

3. Because I will never get this time back.

Despite this devastating heartbreaking lump in my throat and sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of it, my sweet baby won’t be a baby long. I know that in the blink of an eye, these chaotic days of diaper changing, frequent feedings, rocking and singing and cuddling will be a vague bittersweet memory. I have heard and fear it is true that it will only feel like a few days between teaching him his ABC’s and bidding him farewell as I drive away, leaving him to spread his wings for college and beyond. There will be a last time he nurses. There will be a last time I sing “Baby Mine” to him as he falls asleep in my arms. There will be a last time he wants to hold my hand while we walk. There will come a day when I’m no longer the only woman that matters in his life.

I don’t want to miss a single thing. I want to be there for his first words, his first steps, and every other new discovery. I don’t want to ever look back and feel that I’ve squandered—lost—this precious, special time. And by the way, children spell love “T-I-M-E.” I want my son (and subsequent children) to look back when they’re grown and remember that their mother made it a priority to spend lots of real, quality, cell-phone free TIME with them every single day because they were the most important priority in her life besides the Lord and her husband.

upsTime management is hard even if you don’t have an outside-the-home job. I do my best with the housework, but at the end of the day, if I’ve given my all to love and care for my son and there’s still a pile of laundry and a load of dishes waiting to be done, I try not to be to hard on myself, because, as my mother used to sing to me:

 “The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow

But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.”

4. Because the rewards are endless.

Listen, y’all. I love being a mom. I mean I really, REALLY love it. We wouldn’t have decided to have a child if I didn’t expect to love this life. But we believed what God said said in Psalm 127 when he called children a “heritage of the Lord” and a “reward.” And, indeed “reward” is the perfect word for it because the rewards of parenthood truly are endless. Watching my son grow and learn and explore and love me in return has filled my heart with more joy than I ever imagined possible, and I know the swellings of pride and joy I feel in my heart will only grow as we continue raise this amazing child, and (Lord willing) his siblings to come.


Being a mom is a job. An exhausting, 24/7, no-breaks, all-encompassing career with no check at the end of the week. But the honest truth is, even if God hadn’t expressed his desire for women to stay home with their children, I still wouldn’t trade this job for anyone else’s in the world. My heart is with my family, and I’m so so thankful I get to stay where my heart is. I’m so happy I get to be the one who will have watched my son grow and develop and flourish in knowledge and understanding. I’m humbled and terrified and excited about the opportunity to shape his worldview, encourage his passions, embolden his strengths.

Like nothing else ever has, being a mom has given me an overwhelming sense of responsibility, empowerment, and humility all rolled into one big sappy emotion that makes me cry when I pray with my son, when I read to my son, when I watch my husband play with my son, when I watch Disney movies, etc… (I don’t think there’s medication for that kind of emotion.) As a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, stay-at-home mom, I’ve never in my life felt more like a “real woman” than I do now.

There’s no salary in this career path, but the perks and bonuses are out of this world (literally).

5. Because I’m guilt-free about the time I spend with my family.

I’m doing my best to live right now in such a way that when I’m 80 (if I live that long), and looking back on my life, I will have no regrets about failing to savor each moment of my kids’ childhood.


I will long to go back to this time, yes, but hopefully not regret wasting it, because it will have been savored, it will have been appreciated, it will have been cherished. I hope to know in my heart that, while my journey as a mother was strewn with various mistakes (I’m already there now), I did my best to be there for my children in every possible way.

Before you stop reading, let me just say that I know and respect lots of moms who are not stay-at-home moms. I literally grieve inside for the mothers who work outside of the home because they have no other choice. I understand that there are circumstances for some that inescapably mean that, in order to get food on the table, they cannot stay home with their children. I am truly sorrowful for your plight and can imagine the sadness you feel being away from your kids every day. This post is not for you. I also understand that there are lots of Christian moms out there who simply were not raised by stay-at-home moms and may not have thought about the importance of it. You may never have sat down and evaluated which material things you might have to sacrifice in order to make this work. You may have even told yourself that you “have to work” because you “can’t live on one income” while, in reality, you could be living in a smaller house, sharing a car, or making other small sacrifices (small in the grand eternal scheme of things, anyway) that could make this idea a reality for your family. This post is for you.

I’m not writing this to be harsh or judgmental in any way. I’m writing it to give you a little food for thought and to encourage you moms to reject the stigmas, as I have done. I have decided to ignore the labels and stereotypes the world gives stay-at-home moms and that decision has been incredibly freeing and joyful on so many levels.

In terms of eternity, it doesn’t really matter if your family is gluten-free. One day, it won’t really matter if you were into breastfeeding or Babywise or co-sleeping or baby-wearing or cloth-diapering, or baby-led weaning. What will matter is that your family is in heaven.

Kick the labels to the curb. Love your God. Love your family.

…And if you’re in my station of life, do what I’m about to do—go squeeze that baby. 🙂

sweet dreams

109 thoughts on “A Stay-At-Home-Mom: Five Hot-Button Reasons

  1. A beautiful article. With some minor exceptions, before we decided to home school, I have been a SAHM for almost 23 years. My only full time job lasted 4 months because I just knew I was not where I needed to be, so I quit. I will never, ever, ever look back and wish I had spent more time “at work.”

  2. Love this. Excellent post. For me, this job is sooooo much harder than I ever thought it would be. Sometimes do I think I’m not cut out for this? Yes. But, I know that this is where my children need me to be. It’s where I’ve always wanted to be and where God wants me to be. When I became a mother I had to learn to put my child’s needs ahead of my wants. It’s a hard job, but it’s so worthwhile. <3

  3. I am not married or even out of school yet but I have had people pressuring me about being a working mom. Almost all my life I have wanted to be a mother and good wife, one who will teach her children about God’s word and help her husband to be a good Christian. I have never worried about money for as long as I can remember, I had always in my mind the thought that if we were faithful and good Christians the Lord would give us a way to obtain the things we needed. Your post really touched me. Many of the people around me don’t agree with my desire to be a stay at home mother, so all that you said has been very encouraging to me. I really appreciate your putting this post out. 🙂

  4. We can try and believe that kids don’t need the same things they needed before America put women in the work place in huge numbers, but they still need the same things. I know that there are some who can work outside the home for a limited number of hours and perhaps still be keepers at home and Deut. 6 moms. I just do not personally see how a mother could ever choose to work full time, put the kids in day-care and still think she was giving the home all the spiritual benefits she could be giving it were she there more. That kind of thinking just has never made sense to me. If you chose to put only ten hours into your full time job, your boss would fire you or at least cut your wages because you can’t be as productive in ten hours as you can be in forty. I don’t get why we think that logic does not apply with the most important job. We can’t do the same thing with a few hours a week as we could with a larger quantity of time. That just has to be true.

    • I understand and respect your opinion, but I love being a working mom. I would be bored at home. I have one daughter and I send her to school because I can not teach her the things she would learn from someone who has a teaching degree. My husband and I definitely teach her about God and we go to church. She has other children at school she can play with and interact with. At home, it would just be us two. That’s great and I love playing with my daughter, but she needs to be around kids her own age too. Yes I am at work forty hours a week, but I give way more than 100% at home. My husband and I both work together to get homework done, cooking, cleaning, and whatever else needs to be done. That’s what family is about, working together. We have family game night and also family movie night. I think it’s whatever works for your family. If I had more than one child, then who knows, maybe I would be a stay at home mom. But I think it’s ignorant to say that a working mom can’t give her child or family 100%. I do with the help of God!!! With him, all things are possible!!!

  5. Now you just need to homeschool. It took the guilt away from spending 14 hours a day preparing and teaching other people’s children and missing my own. Enjoy this time; it really does fly!

  6. I was able to be a stay-at-home mom for 7 years when my older children were young and I LOVED it!! My husband fought me every turn and I felt like I had to prove to him it was worth it. I was previously a paralegal, so the career was already there prior to kids. Then I divorced and was forced to work. It was necessary, but my heart was at home. There was one full year in there where I was able to be home, ate it up with a big spoon and cherished every moment. Once I was able to remarry (amazing husband), we made the conscious choice for me to be home with the 5 combined children, even though 4 were in high school. Months after we married he lost his contract and was out of a job for a year. Although times were very tough, never did the Lord tell me to go back to work. Things are better financially, the kids living at home, two in college, and homeschooling the youngest. Still BEST JOB EVER and so thankful for a husband who agrees this is where I’m needed, and they do grow upin the blink of an eye. Great job!!

  7. Great article I enjoyed my home times with our Sons when they were babies and I show them Jesus by reading books and doing hands on with them during the week . I tried my best to instill the bible truths and now I am so proud of them both because they are fine Gospel preachers now Benjamin and James Turner. You keep up the great work and your wonderful post too. I pray that someone who reads your blog will be touch deeply into God’s word too. Your Son is so precious and he has the cuties smiles and smirks. You are a great Mom Keep showing him God’s Love like you are doing.

  8. Great article. Being a mom is hard. I needed to read this today. Mine are 7 and 11 and I still need reminding of the true reason I am home and keep from getting caught up in what society thinks I should be doing. Thanks again.

  9. Thanks for this article. If God ever blesses my husband and me with children, we know I will be staying at home and homeschooling them. It’s such a beautiful, meaningful choice to invest your time and hard work in precious young souls.

  10. I greatly appreciate this article. My husband and I always knew I’d stay at home with the children. I don’t miss the almost 6 figure salary I could be making now. That salary won’t give me precious time with my children and husband. It won’t buy our way into heaven. I truly believe as you stated that God wants and NEEDS us at home teaching and training our children. It is so surprising the number of Christian women who don’t believe this. Unfortunately, I see their households and families suffer because of this. The money and time away from the family are not worth losing our children to the world. Thank you so much for writing this.

    • Valerie, I have one child and I do work outside the home. My husband WANTS me to work. Our household is managing just fine. Please do not generalize and lump all working Christian women into being in over their head and having poorly run, chaotic, spiritually lacking households.

      • Lynn, I certainly do not lump all working Christian mothers into this. I have just seen some who could stay at home but do not whose families are suffering. However, there are those families who are doing great, and I’m glad it is working out for your family. I apologize for the generalities.

    • We agree that having a parent at home with a child is optimal, where possible. However, having prayed extensively about it and taking into account our different personalities, tolerances and gifts, we came to the conclusion that *my husband* was best suited to be in home with the kids. He cares for them, plays with them, homeschools them, and I work. It works best for us. If we reversed the roles, we would both be miserable, and our children would suffer for it.

      There is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, even for “Godly” parenting.

  11. My mom and I were just talking about the this other day. She married at 16, in the 60’s, and was subjected to physical and emotional abuse as well as adultery throughout that marriage. Once divorced she had to live in the projects and take my brother and sister to the babysitters..otherwise they wouldn’t eat. She said she could have handled the beats better than having to get the babies up every morning to go to work and leave them…Thankfully she married my dad and she was grateful he wanted her to quit working. I am so glad she instilled that desire in me. I think sometimes when a Mom “has” to work they forget or neglect to tell teach their daughters and sons that this is not how it should be.

    • It makes me so incredibly sad to know that there are women who would prefer to be abused by their husbands over doing something out of step with Christian culture.

  12. Hannah, this is a beautifully written post. I’ve been a homemaker for 12 years now and have 5 amazing pieces of heritage from the Lord! I’ve always been so passionate about mothers being home with their babies. It’s what our culture needs so desperately! The home is crumbling before our very eyes… we need strong mamas to build homes back up. Training these sweet babies like the Lord commands. Grounding them in Biblical
    teachings!! Thank you for being a wonderful Christian mother and example.

    • You and your wife need to be very careful condemning other families’ choices. I am a 50 year old working mom, graduate of ACU and Pepperdine, and I manage my time and responsibilities quite well. My husband and I decide what is right for our family. I have never criticized any mom for staying home, but it is short-sighted, judgmental, and hateful to criticize me for working. My mother and both of my grandmothers worked and were wonderful moms and worked diligently in the church. Many of my sisters in Christ have professional careers and are also great moms–often more organized and energetic than some of our stay-at-home counterparts who appear to be continually overwhelmed. Personality and God’s gifts vary and we are all different. Condemning those whose circumstances you are not familiar with on a blog that is sure to be repeated on Facebook is treacherous. As an older, more experienced Christian, I urge you to exercise caution for the sake of your career and your relationships with those in the church.

      • Lynn, there was nothing judgemental in the article that was written. Applying Gods word to our lives is not judgemental.

        The bible states clearly what the roles of husbands and wives are in regards to the home and marriage relationship. Titus 2:5.

        If a woman can work outside the home and still fulfill her responsibilities of keeping the home as the bible commands then that fits the bible teachings. Just as if a man can work 10 hours a week and support his family as he is commanded tben that is within biblical teaching as well.

        Solomons inspired writings in Ecclesiastes is a wonderful read on the vanity of valuing work and materialism over the more important things in this life.

        • Mike, the post was very critical of all working mothers and I disagree with it, as noted in my comment.

          • Lynn, please do not take this as disrespect but just because you are 50 years old does not mean you know everything there is to know on the subject of motherhood. It appears as if you’re feeling argumentative about this topic and I just want to say that you live in a world where you don’t have to defend your choice to the rest of the world. Stay at home moms do. If you are easily offended by that, then I’m sorry. I feel you need to do some study of Scripture before saying that what Hannah has to say doesn’t line up. Because it does. As for saying that Cindy has limited life experiences, you’ve admitted to being a career woman your entire life. How broad are your experiences? Especially with the topic being discussed? I have four children ages 2-8 and I’m pretty experienced with the topic at hand and I’m in 100% agreement. If you chose a different path for your life and you feel blessed by it and you feel God approves, great! There is no reason to be offended by this article. Furthermore Scripture tells us to not be easily offended, to be forgiving, and not quarreling.
            From your limited view you see stay at home moms for what you want to see them as. You think your routine and organizaional skills are proof that working moms have the better deal. I’m telling you, you’re wrong. Bragging about all the things you’ve accomplished being a working mother denotes a lack of humility and maturity. I’m sorry if that offends you, it is not my intention. I think Hannah is finding out some very clear things in Scripture and being convicted of them just as I have been and is sharing her beliefs and convictions about the subject. This is incredibly uplifting to those of us who are in her same position and possibly convicts others who chose differently. I am not saying any of this to argue. Sometimes, if you don’t agree with something, and it seems most aren’t in agreement with your viewpoint in any given circle, it’s best to just move on. Agree to disagree.

          • Diane, AKA Mike,
            Please read ALL of the comments on this blog. Many, many women agree with me. Also, read Proverbs 31. How do you explain the working mother/businesswoman described and praised in this text? What about the passage in Deuteronomy — do you agree with the blog author that it only applies to women? That doesn’t make sense!

            I didn’t bring this topic up. A link to the blog was posted on my facebook page. I do think that my years of experience have indeed exposed me to many more Christian women — both working and non-working– than a 25 year old, recent college graduate with a very young baby has had. The condescension in the post denegrates my family, my life choices, my spirituality, my parents, my grandparents, and many of the women I have considered mentors throughout my life.

          • The only reason I described my organizational skills is because the blog post stated that many working homes have frazzled, hectic, nonspiritual routines with no time for anything but a fast dinner and a bath. That is just simply untrue!!! I’m not saying either “side” has a better deal. It’s up to each family to decide what’s right for them. My husband WANTS me to work outside the home. Do you suggest I defy him and quit???

          • Diane, I think if you’ll read the article again in light of my most recent comment you will see why portions of it offended me. The negative statements were presented as absolute blanket generalizations. This is what I find offensive–not scripture.

        • Dude, if you think that’s what Titus teaches, you seriously need to take a course in exegesis. Then take one on hermeneutics.
          These things are matters of personal choice., and personal faith.Don’t make them into matters of orthodoxy.

          • Thanks Paul.

            Would you mind letting us know what other commandments are optional? Is loving your wife, kids and others a personal choice as well?

            I fear if we start using that line of thinking then nothing will apply to anyone and the bible becomes a buffet where you pick and choose what you like and dont like.

          • Whoa, dude. Commandment? That’s not a commandment (although I think you’re thinking of “command – a different thing). Paul wasn’t writing to make a normative prescription for the rest of human history, he was showing first century Christians how to be Christians in the first century. When he was talking about good exegesis and hermeneutic (and it also doesn’t sound like you know what those mean) he wasn’t saying to throw it out, he was saying to interpret in light of its historical and grammatical context. Misinterpretation of a few epistle verses that have been taken out of context has burdened young women like Hannah into misunderstanding their role as mothers, and it’s time we righted the wrong.

          • Bless you, Jonathan. False teaching via the Internet is very dangerous, in my opinion. Discouraging, divisive, and scary. Yikes!

  13. Hi Hannah, this is exactly how I feel! I am so thankful you are a writer and have so preciously put this down. I praise the Lord that you are wise beyond your years in knowing that this time will in fact be over in a flash! I am speechlessly thankful the Lord gave me an awesome man of God, allowed me to have my children, and to be able to stay home and to home school them. They grew up so quickly and left our nest. My baby boy is 21 today and my sweet girl is 22. They both love the Lord and they both are incredibly awesome adults – to God be all the glory! The goal was to be the example of Jesus and reflect that every day in my marriage and as a parent. You know – some days worked out better than others, but I kept the vision that I would in fact one day lay my head down at night after they were out of our home and KNOW that I did the very best I could and that I would have NO REGRETS. No, “what if’s”. And the Lord has allowed me that knowledge and that incredible peace. Thank you for your words. I want to encourage you that every single bit of it is worth it. God bless you and your sweet family!

  14. This is a wonderful article. I couldn’t have said it better. You are a wonderful mom and keep up the great work.

  15. Hey! Just wanted to say that I really appreciate this article. Your sweet Ezra and my sweet Benjamin are the same age! Ben’s b-day is Sept. 9th. Every time I see your posts and pictures, I smile because I’m doing the same thing and can relate:) Being a “stay at home mom” is absolutely the best job in The world. Although the media is harsh to women who choose to stay at home, I feel that more and more women are starting to realize that being at home is best. Any time I have been asked what my occupation is, I tell them that I am a “stay at home mom” and the responses I get are positive and comforting. Many have told me that they believe it is the best thing, others have said that they wish they could stay at home as well. Hopefully, one day, we can have a society that has more mothers at home than in the workplace. We just have to keep loving our babies, establish a Godly foundation, and keep praying for more Godly homes:)

    • Mandy, I think it’s great that you are a stay at home mom. I have one child and I do work outside the home. My husband wants me to work. I am in a service profession and I believe part of my ministry is through my work outside the home. I am able to help many, many people — some Christians; some not. In our family, we strive to put God first, family second, and career third. I assure you we believe we are doing our best to have a “Godly home.” Please do not insult all Christian mothers.

  16. Sometimes I get discouraged staying home, but yesterday during my Bible study I had a thought: God created people and he had a plan for marriage and the family and what they should look like. When we live that life, it is a sort of living Amen to God, an acknowledgement that His way is the best. In all things, not just motherhood, we are to make our lives living sacrifices. Our lives as we live them are worship.

    There may be flaws to this train of thought, I’m still developing it, but it has definitely given me something to chew over.

  17. I agree that it’s wonderful if the mother can or WANTS to stay at home. However, your comment about it being blasphemous if a woman is not a homemaker is complete malarkey. This interpretation has no basis in determining the exclusivity of a woman in the home. Your ideas on this subject are downright offensive to working women, and your attempting to interject your feelings on the subject as being commandments is astounding. I implore you to revisit the subject before you post such inflammatory content with no basis.

    • Titus 2:5 states that the womans role according to God is to be a “keeper at home.” Just as the mans role is to provide for his family.

      “Wanting” what I want has nothing to do with it. Its about pleasing God and obeying his commandments and pattern he has set forth in the scriptures.

      Stay at home mothers have the most important job of all workers whether men or women. They are making a home. My job and your job will be replaced in seconds after we leave it with little to no consequence on society. The same cannot be said for those who make the home the first priority.

      The most important job, the hardest job, and unfortunately the most underappreciated job. IMO.

    • I agree, Clint. Not only am I offended on behalf of myself, my mother, my grandmothers, and many of my sisters in Christ who work outside the home and are also wonderful Christian moms, I think this “teaching” from a young preacher’s wife is flat out false. She needs to read Proverbs 31 and the book of Ruth.

  18. I ask this question with all integrity, in your first point as to why you decided to stay at home and according to your definition a homemaker is a woman who does not work outside the home while children are in the home, are you actually saying that a woman who works outside the home while children are there, is blaspheming the Word of God. If that is the case, and a preacher’s wife works outside the home while children are there, she is a blasphemer, which would make her a sinner, does she need to repent? If she is a blasphemer, and does not stop working outside the home, would that give the church the right to fire her husband? Again, I ask this question in all good intentions and await your answer in all good faith.
    Sincerely; Mike.

    • Mr. Mike,
      Thank you for calling my attention to this. I thought about this and reworded it because I stated the sin as being directly the sin of the woman who is not a keeper at home. I am convicted that if a woman is not a keeper at home, sin occurs. She does sin. Nothing could be clearer from this passage. When she fails to be this, she does something that results in blasphemy. However, I do believe her sin may be disobedience to the Word, thus leaving the Word susceptible to blasphemy by others who observe her conduct. At any rate, I believe a preacher’s wife or anyone else’s wife, who fails to be a keeper at home, sins in that failure. I believe that has to be the case for the passage. Thanks again for the kind and gentle comment.

      • My home is beautifully kept. Laundry done, meals prepared, groceries well-stocked, host baby showers. Just like my work-outside-the-home Christian mother and two grandmothers before me.

        • Lynn, your issue seems to be with Titus 2:5 and what Gods word commands and not the writer of this article.

          Lets change our lives to conform to Gods word instead of changing Gods word to fit what we want to do.

          • No, Mike, I have no issue with Titus 2:3-5. In fact, My husband WANTS me to work outside the home. We have one child. We decided that I would continue to work before we had the child. I was a career woman when he met me. I have degrees from two Christian schools which have enabled me to be in a serving profession with flexible hours. The blog assumes all working mom households of having “frenzied, spiritually lacking routines” and I do not believe this describes my household. I do not work outside the home strictly to gain material comforts. Deut. 6:4-7, quoted in the blog to apply to mothers, also seems to apply to fathers. Should fathers not work outside the home? Doesn’t make sense. I also disagree with the author’s proclamation that “God…expressed His desire for women to stay home with their children.” This is not supported by scripture. Most women did stay home because that’s how their society was set up.

        • There are plenty of well written articles praising working moms. Just scroll Facebook for 15 seconds and one is sure to pop up. The simple truth is that stay at home moms need encouragement from other stay at home moms. They need to know that what they are devoting their lives to is kingdom work and will yield beautiful fruit. Working moms bring home a paycheck. They see the “fruit” of their jobs a lot easier than we see ours.
          Your comment about the working moms you know being a lot more energized, organized, and less overwhelmed really stuck with me. Why do you think that is, Lynn? I’ve done both (being a working mom and a stay at home mom) and I can tell you staying at home is by far the hardest work, the most tedious work. Gut wrenching, soul crushing (and edifying) work. It is tough, tough work knowing and accepting your role as your child’s full time parent, full time teacher, mentor, role model, disciplinarian, authority, leader, caretaker, etc. Please don’t undervalue those overwhelmed moms in your church halls. Their kids outfits might not match, maybe they’re not nearly as organized as their working mom counterparts, and they’re surely not as energized. We don’t wake up and put on a different outfit for “work mommy” then come home and change into “home mommy” every day. I remember work actually feeling like a nice loooong break, especially when my second was colicky and I was perfectly fine leaving him with my sister during those first precious months.
          Don’t look down on us or feel sorry for us because we may be less organized or energized. We’re doing the hard work. The kingdom work-day in and day out, non-stop for years. We’re allowed to be a little tired and mismatched.
          The thing about being a keeper at home is not so much about how well your pantry is stocked, how neat your house is and how well you’re keeping up with the laundry. It goes deeper than that. It’s about connecting with your children, about being present with them, about teaching them firsthand throughout the whole day who our Savior is, teaching them how to live and love and grow up to be a strong Christian. Sharing your love of God on a minute by minute basis, having their hearts and desiring to be there for them and your husband is what being a keeper of the home is. It’s not just Martha’s version, it’s Mary’s too…it’s more Mary’s. It’s “the important part”.

          • Diane, I am 50 years old. I’ve had the opportunity to see and admire all kinds of Christian moms. I would never criticize a mom for deciding to stay home with her kids. Likewise, My family has decided that I will work outside the home. My husband wants me to work. I am in a serving profession with flexible hours and feel called to use the two degrees I obtained from Christian universities (on academic scholarships) to help others. I got married later in life and we have been blessed with only one child. I assure you he is my priority. You asked about why some moms seem tired and disorganized. Based on my years of observation, I think it is often because some moms have a difficult time sticking to a routine, and part of it is just plain personality traits. I have always been a highly organized person. Several Christian women I admire–stay at home or outside the home workers–are also very disciplined and highly organized and are therefore able to use their time and gifts wisely and efficiently. I really don’t care if a stay at home mom has piles of laundry or a messy van, and I realize that it’s quality time with your children and spouse that really matter. However, I was offended at the accusation that working mom’s households suffer from “frenzied, spiritually lacking routines.” The blog post also implies that working moms only work to attain material comforts, and I know for a fact this is not ALWAYS the case because it is not the case in our family. Lastly, to say that “God …expressed His desire for women to stay home with their children” is not supported by a careful and thoughtful examination of scripture, in my opinion.

          • Lynn Kelly–Just wanted to say that I appreciate all your responses on this blog. You seems to be a loving, caring, thoughtful person and I appreciate the grace and wisdom you’re showing in your comments.

            I agree with you that there are many ways to have a strong Christian home and family.

          • This message is a reply to Lynn Kelly. I agree with Jane J. I applaud your efforts to give some pushback to this “one size fits all” version of being a God-pleasing mom/wife. I also think that this blogger’s interpretation of scripture only works if she simultaneously ignores a lot of other verses that give examples of women doing many things that are not “keeping the home” and rearing children. The Proverbs 31 Woman, and Ruth have already been mentioned. But most of the women who aided Jesus in his ministry and then later Paul’s ministry were doing things other than home and children. We cannot have any idea what the ages of their (possible) children might have been so we can only go with the example that scripture gives of them teaching, carrying letters and presenting them before house churches, and possibly traveling to spread the Gospel. All of these verses need to be taken together, not separated and used to show how one is best, most pleasing to God, therefore any other way must by default be displeasing to God. “See I have this set of verses I’m going to point to over and over again while telling you that if you don’t agree with my application that you’re just trying to get the Bible to conform to yourself instead of yourself to conform to God’s Word.”
            I’m a stay at home mom and have been for a long time. It’s hard. It was hard for my mom to work as a teacher for 30 years and raise two daughters. This blogger seems to feel that the prevailing winds are blowing against the stay at home mom. However, what I see on my FB feed over and over again is the call for moms of all kinds to stop judging each other and agree that it’s all hard sometimes if you’re a mom and tasked with the enormous job of raising little people. And as Christians we are called to do exactly that for the sake of Christ. I think instead of a blog post on how being a stay at home mom is better and that working mom’s are not following scripture, a post extending love and understanding to all women raising children is much more needed. We have so much more in common if we claim Christ as our Savior. (And Lynn, my husband graduated with his MDiv from ACU!)

          • Mom of 3,

            Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I very rarely comment on blogs, but this has been extremely upsetting to me. I appreciate your wisdom and the kind way you communicated your thoughts.

            Best to you and your family


          • Thanks, Lynn. My best to your family as well.

            Also, my best to Hannah’s family. You have a beautiful son and loving husband and it seems that the way you have structured your family, marriage and parenting is very life giving to you, your husband and son.

        • Lynn,

          I wanted to take the time to read all of the comments and think before typing this reply. Posting a reply to a blog is not typical because I feel people are determined to justify their point of view.

          I don’t expect you to read my comment and change your mind but I did decide to write because there were a few things I felt strongly about.

          I do feel a woman can work limited hours outside of the home and still be a godly, Christian mother. I think working outside of the home can include many things for Hannah it includes speaking engagements and writing, traveling, planning and studying for the aforementioned events. But the majority of her time is spent teaching, training, and running her home (I assume since I don’t live in her house).

          Working outside of the home for me includes about 15 hours a month. I, like you, work in a service profession but I feel right now my children are my priority and my most important mission field for the time being. I think that’s what the scriptures teach.

          I, also, have two degrees and I don’t think that has anything to do with my being a Christian mother. I am glad I am educated if something should happen to my husband and I need to work. I stay-at-home and don’t hAve a beautifully kept home because I feel as Christians that is where we start to miss the mark and focus on material things. My home is clean but very much lived in and I’m happy with that because I can focus my attention on my daughter.

          I say all of that to say I think you missed the point it’s not about our house, not about our education level, not about what clothes we wear, not about saying I turned out ok so it means its all good instead it’s about knowing what God wants us to be and striving for that. Will it vary for each family? Yes, but the goal should be the same.

          I was raised by a working mother as were many of my friends and unfortunately 3/4 of them have left the church. But seeing mothers who SAH seem to have a higher percentage of faithful children.

          Typing this on my phone didn’t allow for me to go back and edit my post so I do apologize my thoughts couldn’t be better organized.

          • Chelsea, what do you think I need to change my mind about? I do not understand the point of your post. You want me to defy my husband and quit my profession because my child will then have a greater statistical probability of going to heaven?

    • Thank you for your respond. BTW….I am not the other Mike “no last name” that is responding to others in this post. I have been blessed by God with a wonderful wife of 39 years who has been both a gracious home maker, and a blessing to the medical world in which she has worked. I do not believe the two are inconsistent with each other. God Bless.

  19. Definitely scriptural! Don’t know how working women can juggle home and work. I’ve done both and someone suffers! The thought of someone else caring for my babies all day hurts my heart. I know some have no problem with this, but I’m definitely on the winning end now. I’ve been home over 11 yrs and we are in are second year of homeschool. No regrets! I’m teaching my children their scriptural roles and how important they are.

  20. Kudo’s Mrs. G. for this lovely article. You did a great job summing up what it means to be a ‘stay-at-home mom.’ I spent the last 32 years (and I am not done yet) doing just this and I applaud you for making the sacrifices (although the rewards greatly outweigh them) to raise your son yourself.
    I hope many young women will read and consider what you have said. It certainly is and will continue to be a ‘hot-button’ issue.
    God bless you as you continue on your journey!

  21. Thank you, thank you, thank you for such a beautiful post. I worked for seven years as a teacher, all the while making the excuse that “I had to.” I was so unhappy. Thankfully after a lot of prayer, I woke up and realized my love of entertainment and dressing my children much too nice was the cause of my “needing” to work. I stay at home now to homeschool my 5 and 3 year old and look forward to the arrival of another sweet baby in August. My husband left his job to do something even better…become a gospel preacher. I can’t believe all the time I wasted on what I thought I needed to do, but I most definitely am making the most of the time I have now.

  22. After reading the other posts, I must add another thought. As a former worker-outside-the-home, I do not find this article to be any sort of attack. Also, I am saddened by some of the comments that pardon the term almost boast of how their homes are clean, kids are dressed, and they can even do other things. The whole point is to get our children to heaven. I mean this lovingly- if you choose to work outside the home, the goal would be to still make the time to train your child up in the Lord. Your home, clothing, and activities are irrelevant. A better argument would be I work outside the home, and my husband and I make time each day to spend in the word with our child/children.

    • Erica, I have seen many stay at home moms who were frazzled and overwhelmed, to the point of my son asking me when he was a child why some of the other mommy’s houses were a wreck and their minivans full of trash. Of course orderliness is not the most important thing and certainly should be subservient to spiritual guidance, but despite working outside the home, my house is almost always in very good “order” (as my mother, my mother-in-law, and both of my grandmothers–all fabulous, loving mothers and highly spiritual women of God kept their homes before me.) My comment in this regard was not meant to be taken in isolation, but to be read with all of my comments in response to this blog post. It was in direct response to the blog author’s statement that women who work outside the home have frazzled, chaotic homes lacking appropriate spiritual emphasis. I want my home to be a calm, orderly refuge for my husband, my son, and visitors. My congregation has many professional working moms whom I consider wonderful spiritual mentors to their children and other women in the church. Working Christian moms in our congregation include several teachers, two physicians, an occupational therapist, a principal, an assistant principal, three attorneys, a chemist whose team recently developed a new product for cataract surgery, a pharmacist, a nurse….It’s a large, urban congregation and I could go on. It’s marvelous for moms to stay home with their kids, but for a preacher’s wife to publish on a public blog that is making its way around Facebook stating that women whose families have chosen for them to work outside the home are irresponsible, inadequate mothers lacking in spirituality, disrespecting their husbands, only after material wealth, not caring about their children’s eternal souls and blaspheming the Word of God is offensive to me. Can you see it from my point of view at all?

      • From a former stay at home mom I agree wholeheartly with your statement. Id like to see the divide between both groups eliminated. Women encouraging each other!!! Proverbs 31 describes a family oriented “working” wife and mother!

      • I understand your point Lynn. What I am trying to get across is that no one knows our circumstances. If you know your home is one where God is the focus, then I applaud your ability to work full time and attend to spiritual and physical needs as well. When I read this post, I viewed it as a plea for women to inventory their homes, not attack their decision to work outside of the home. I can readily admit that working outside the home prevented me from being the wife and mother God requires. I spent many ten hour days preparing for and teaching other individuals’ children. By the time I got home there was still cleaning, cooking, playing with and bathing children, among many other things. There were showers and gatherings to host as well. God was becoming less and less of a priority. Something had to give. I gave up work, and I am happier for it. Rather than get worked up over words that can sometimes be hard to discern in terms of tone, I think it may be easier in this situation to be content with the choices that work with your family. If you’ve evaluated and deemed things in accordance with God’s word, then you are doing your most important job:)

        • So you are criticizing me for “getting worked up” over aspersions on my family, how I’m raising my son, my priorities, the wisdom and spirituality of my husband, whether I’m blaspheming the Word, and the status of my very soul? Of course I’m “worked up.” What did Paul tell the early church about how to treat Christians who were offended by other Christians eating meat? Get over it — don’t get so worked up????

          • Lynn I am sorry your were offended by my choice of words. As I mentioned earlier, it is quite difficult to discern the tone of typed words. I’ve read this article multiple times, and I do not find where Hannah is attacking any woman who chooses to work outside the home. Nowhere does she emphatically state one must stay home to be in accordance to God. It just may be easier for some to stay home. In fact I agree with your mentioning the scruple found in 1 Corinthians 8. I can see where this topic falls in line. We cannot bind our scruples on each other, but we must also not make our sisters feel a sinner for not adhering to it. This issue of work is a scruple, yet the issue of our responsibilities in the eyes of God is not. Hannah is not binding us in this blog, only sharing her conscience (1 Cor 8: 7 not weak, but more sensitive on the matter.) My conscience is clean in light of this issue, and it seems yours is too. We can agree to disagree, and thankfully can both be right in this circumstance:)

      • I see your point Lynn, and I agree. I’m so tired of women from both sides tearing each other down and openly judging each other’s worth based on whether or not a woman lives life how *they* would have – all while completely ignoring that other women have different situations, desires, abilities, and talents. Isn’t there something in the Bible against doing that?

        I’ve also noticed that we never question whether or not a father can love his children if he works 40hrs a week, so why do we automatically assume that a woman can’t? It’s utterly degrading.

  23. Proverbs 31 gives a great description of a Godly woman who worked both inside and outside of the home. It describes an intelligent businesswoman and a wonderful mother and wife. A woman does not have to spend every moment in the home to be a “homemaker.” She has a responsibility to care for her family in whatever manner is best for her particular situation.

    • This is true, such a resourceful woman is described. However Proverbs 31 is not actually ABOUT a woman. It’s about wisdom and it’s addressed to a man. The only ‘real’ woman in Proverbs 31 is that man’s mother. I wonder how many people who use it as a ‘job description’ realize this.

  24. Thank you so much!! I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years now and I have been struggling lately with my next steps because my kids are in school. You helped me refocus and realize how important this is, not only for me but for my family!

  25. I was a SAHM for about 15 years, and I’ve been a mom for 23 years. While I agree with many of your points, I hope you’ll consider the fact that at 4 months into motherhood, you may be less than qualified to make sweeping proclamations about what is right for every mother and her family. I don’t see any place where the Bible says mothers must not earn income outside the home, and in fact, Proverbs 31 praises a woman who does so. I have no problem with the choice you’ve made, but I do have a problem with you telling everyone else that they must make the same choice.

    • I haven’t seen any of my comments posted … Proverbs 31 is a family oriented “working” mom… Let’s support women as women and stop this divide…
      As a former stay at home mom, I support scripture but not misrepresentation of it. I certainly would never tell a working mom I grieved for her because she worked and I didn’t… Not biblically based

    • How many months would it take for one to be qualified to quote the Bible and make application to one’s life concerning being a wife and mother? 5, 15, 55, 150? The answer is none. I am a man and can make this application from scripture without any experience in the field.

      I very much appreciate Hannah’s article and her decision to stay at home. As a husband of a stay at home mom, I know we have sacrificed financially to make that happen, which is the crux of the issue for many (not all). Too many sacrifice the spiritual well being of their children to have more money. I know this to be true because I have talked to couples about this issue. I also know that I had a widowed mother who had to work full-time plus over-time to provide for me and my siblings. She did right to provide for us, but this was not God’s ideal will, was it? That her spouse die, leaving her to raise three children, one still in diapers? No.

      Where is the outrage of single moms scraping to get by, while these comments represent married women who even have the luxury to make this decision? Some women have to work, but others choose to spend less time as home makers for selfish or materialistic reasons. In a discussion like this, the ones most affected tend to complain the loudest.

      Husbands deal with this issue as well. I must provide for my family, but how much can I be away, how much overtime can I work while still nurturing my kids in the admonition of the Lord? Sometimes this is determined by necessity, other times by materialism.

      And the kids… They will see, maybe not until they have kids of their own, but they will see and contemplate what was more important to their parents: career, material possessions, or them. They will see what was done out of necessity or what was done out of a lack of submission to God’s plan (husbands as well as wives).

      Thank you for the article Hannah, I plan to use it when counseling couples.

  26. I find no faults whatsoever with you being a stay at home mother.

    I do, however, find fault with your antagonistic attitude towards those mothers who do not stay at home to work. Yes, you say in your post that you respect those mothers; but then you go on to say that you grieve for those kids. It’s rather condescending.

    Can’t you just state why you stay at home with your children without putting down those who don’t (and many of whom can’t) do the same calling as your own?

    • I agree with you Ben, and am so thankful that you would say this. Her choice to stay home with her family is obviously the right thing for her, but it is not the right situation for my family. I am really hurt to be accused of “blaspheming the Word of God” by doing what my husband wants and continuing the career I had when he met me.

      • Don’t feel bad Lynn. This article seems like an attempt by the author to justify their life choices by convincing other people that they are the *only* valid life choices. Sure, her life choice is totally valid. Sure, its great to encourage other moms to do what is right for them, but to justify one’s own decisions by degrading the equally valid decisions of others? That’s childish, whether it’s sugar-coated in Bible verses or not.

  27. If you find happiness and fulfillment in the life you’ve chosen, that’s wonderful. It truly is. It’s your decision, your freedom and your life. But the world is far too big a place for one worldview to apply universally.

  28. If something is to be considered Biblical then it must be possible to apply it to all Christians worldwide. This western ideal is not possible for most of the world.

  29. Ugh. I thought the “Mommy Wars” were over. You made a choice; good for you. Other Christian women make a different choice; good for them. Stop trying to convince yourself that your choice is more “Godly.” Different things work for different families and it’s incredibly insulting for you to tell working women that they are blaspheming the word of God. If that is what you truly believe, fine, but keep it to yourself. You say you’re not trying to be judgmental but you’re still doing a pretty darn good job of it. This whole post is smug and self-righteous whether you intended it to be or not.

    Also, it sounds to me like you were raised very wealthy to be honest, because everything you described as “not very wealthy” in your first point is still solidly middle class, and what you describes as poverty is pretty much everyone a few years out of college.

    Basically, get over yourself. You’re not that special.

  30. I am an ER physician and a mother. I love my job and I feel like i minister to my patients through medicine. Luckily my hourly wage is very good, so I can work part-time.
    I feel like I am a better wife and mother when I can work. My job is a huge part of my identity and I love it.
    My husband helps with the housework and childcare, and I contribute to our income.
    I also think it is good for our kids to know that i am not available as their 24/7 servant. Mama has to vacuum, cook, work, etc. If I left all chores until naptime I would go crazy.

  31. My story is similar to this. Hubby and i discussed the work/home pattern we would follow and agreed one of us should stay home of at all possible. We have a small home, olds cars and camping holidays. But here’s the difference: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHICH ONE OF US STAYS HOME. Picking a couple of bible verses and taking them way out of context is not how you figure that part out. This post almost suggests that working mum’s are sinning. That is just not on. And what about father’s missing their children’s childhood? Is that the sacrifice they just have to make?

    It’s great for kids and for us if we can manage to raise them ourselves, but making this about ‘roles’ (a word that is not in the bible) or boxing people up according to gender is dead wrong.

  32. I’ve read a few more of the comments now and can see that Hannah’s idea of a working mum does equate to ‘sinning’. She says the scriptures she quotes make that clear. I hope that youthful naivete talking, because no they don’t. That is taking scripture way, WAY out of context.

    Lynn Kelly, thankyou for your thoughtful and gracious comments.

  33. I’m really glad that you and your husband have made this situation work Hannah! You’re obviously a very happy mom who is enjoying your life!

    I think that this post is more reflective of a woman who has found what she loves to do than of any kind of revelation about what’s best for all families/kids, though. I’ve seen lots of different situations work well. For instance, my parents both worked, but at different times during the day, so I got one-on-one time and teaching from both of them. Other families find that children can be equally well-cared for and instructed by a father if the mother wants to work and he wants to stay home (this isn’t as common, but considering the verses in the Bible directed at fathers, I believe it’s biblical to think that dads can care for children equally well). Some families loved homeschooling; others (like mine) sent their kids to public school but also found plenty of time to connect as a family over the teachings of God. I definitely never felt as if I was lacking in Christian instruction, growing up with two devoted Christ followers for parents! 🙂

    The same thing goes for a woman’s desires. I have friends who are just like you; they’d really rather stay home with their kids, and they don’t want guilt-trips for that legitimate and important decision. I also have friends who were very unhappy not having any type of out-of-home job, and became more patient with their children (and calmer in their day-to-day life) when they made the decision to go back to work and use childcare.

    There are many scriptures that emphasize the importance of both mothers and fathers. There are many scriptures throughout the Bible that praise both men and women for working hard (even the Proverbs 31 woman has many out-of-home activities listed). And parents can certainly meet the criteria of teaching their children about God even if their kids also attend a public school. So, I think families have God’s blessing to find what works for them. I”m so glad you found what works for you!

  34. I have a question and there seems to be so many wonderfully wise, godly women of the Lord on this blog that maybe I was hoping somebody could give me an answer? I met my husband at our Christian college, and we got married in a beautiful wedding. All our friends and family were there! I got pregnant in the first year of marriage praise the Lord and quit school when our sweet bundle of joy was born. We had two other blessings from God, and of course I stay at home to care for their little hearts and minds. I am homeschooling my two oldest and the baby learns along too. I just found out I am pregnant with our fourth blessing, I couldn’t be happier. Truly arrows in our quiver!

    The question I have is that my husband came home last week and said he doesn’t want to be married to me anymore. In fact, he had divorce papers already written up! I cried and said please don’t do this to our children, our children need their godly father, but he just slapped me and said that I wasn’t being a good enough wife. He’s hit me before but I know that I don’t keep the house clean enough for him sometimes, like once when my son colored on the wall with crayons and he came home before I could clean it off. Please, would somebody tell me what I need to do because I can’t stop him from divorcing me and if he does I’m afraid I’ll have to work to support the kids and I’m worried because I’ve never worked outside the home and I definitely don’t want to sin against God and blaspheme the bible, His Holy Word!!!!

    Please Pastor Gilsebach or Hannah, please tell me what to do so that I won’t sin by working out of the home and by being divorced!

    • Danica, I am so so sorry this is happening to you. Being blindsided by a divorce is awful, and not right. But, if your husband slaps you he is in the wrong. Period. THIS IS NOT OK. He is a liability to you and your children because behavior like this often escalates with time. PLEASE, respect your God-given dignity enough to know that this is not how a woman is *loved* and *cherished.* If you do not divorce please insist on counseling, perhaps he has an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.

      But if he insists on divorce then you have few options. After all, you can’t control what your husband does and he will be the one to have to answer for abandoning his family. Depending on where you live there should be various programs which will provide food and housing assistance – apply for them all! And reach out to your church and friends for help. You will probably have to begin working at some point, but many jobs can be done partly at home 🙂 Real Estate, tutoring, selling homemade things online, I even got a job grading papers online! Think about your talents and run with it! Overall, don’t beat yourself up about doing what is necessary for your children – they are your priority. You will spend as much time as you can with them – and in the end that’s all you can do.

      If you want someone to vent to, or some advice on what programs you can apply for, or some info about online jobs just ask and I’ll give you all the info I have.

  35. My mother was a homemaker and homeschooling mom for 15-18 years; for many of the same reasons you did. She was and is the model of what a Proverbs 31 woman should be. But not once did she ever consider her life choice (to be a SAHM) to be the biblical standard that you proclaim it is.

    I love SAHMs and think they are very special, and need encouragement. Please use this blog for that encouragement…but don’t claim that the majority of working wives and mothers are sinning and/or blaspheming God. When you do that, you are speaking for God and that isn’t a position I would want to be in.

  36. Let’s pray you never stick your foot in your mouth when a female paramedic with two kids in daycare saves YOUR child’s life, or a female doctor with three kids in daycare detects and treats cancer in YOUR family member, or a female reading teacher with two kids in daycare helps YOUR child read their first book after years of struggling and falling behind. There are numerous other examples I could list. Thank God some women sacrifice time at home with their kids to help others and to further the kingdom of Christ.

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  38. What a cruel and haughty post from a young woman. My issue isn’t for the women that love and embrace being a stay at home mom, but rather when, like here ! it becomes a mandatory thing and one is threatened with “sin”. Because let’s be honest, this whole article is a threat. “Do this or else God will be sad with you and you don’t want that, do you?” My real issue is with this coddled writer – while I certainly applaud her choice, is the fact that she just reinforcing the “good Christian”. The problem becomes when groups of like minded people start to take it further. This woman is completely clueless as to how spoiled she truly is. She has a college degree, so god forbid were anything to happen she probably could actually stay in her “small 3 bedroom” house and still feed and clothe her one (so far) child. My problem is when men decide that (as they routinely used to and still do) that girls don’t need an education, they’re not going to work anyways, so why bother spending money for nothing. Collge? What do they need high school for? You may rail about the grand shortcoming of a state education- and there are many- but these standards are there to ensure that everyone has an equal opportunity to live a life out of abject poverty. And many times, these people who do live in poverty and not in a three bedroom house, have 5+ children with a husband that just cannot make enough to stretch that into all the necessary expenses, not to mention luxuries like a car. I, not talking about “sharing a car” as this writer seems to think is a small sacrifice.
    This lady is sheltered and naive and needs to get off her high horse and see the world as it truly is.

  39. What utter tripe.

    Complaining about the stigma on stay at home moms while then stigmatizing working mothers- particularly those who *gasp* WANT to work and LIKE to work outside the home- makes the author here a gigantic hypocrite.

    It’s also pretty rich to listen to a woman who has been a mother for all of four months opine about what all mothers should do.

  40. You honestly don’t mean to sound judgemental? This post is dripping with self-righteousness and judgement. You are right about one thing though: you aren’t particularly smart or talented.

  41. You’ve got to be kidding me. If you’re going to use scripture to voice your opinion…oh, wait…you don’t religiously have the right to an opinion. Also, lets get that hair covered up and sell that giant rock on your finger. That’s living in excess and a giant diamond like that is from the book of DeBeers (early 1900 AD), not any religious book. I also noticed that your home is anything but modest.
    How about you go take a look at your excessive life and stop picking and choosing what parts of your scripture should and shouldn’t be followed. Hypocrite.

  42. I was not going to post a comment, but after seeing all the controversy I will. Thank you for your article Hannah. It is great, and I plan on using it as a teaching tool when I counsel couples in pre-marriage counseling.

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